...I do NOT go around questioning your heterosexuality. So I'd really freakin appreciate it if you stopped questioning my homosexuality. Even if it is a phase, that's none of your damn business. I'm am going to LOVE and have SEX and KISS and HOLD HANDS and CHECK OUT whoever I frickin want. I REPEAT...I do NOT question you...so would EVERYONE just STOP questioning me?! I have enough going on...
URGH I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
The Bee by the Bathroom
My bathroom here at home has a window high above the shower that faces our front yard. We recently dug up our rock bed that was underneath that window and put some soil and hibiscus in there. Ever since the flowers bloomed, our front yard has been full of bees. In the past few weeks when I was in the bathroom I'd hear a buzzing sound so I assumed some bees were building (word choice?) a hive outside my bathroom window. I thought it dangerous for my younger cousins if the hive were to fall and bees go everywhere, so I planned on eventually going out there and spraying the crap out of it with RAID.
This morning on my way to the car with my mom, my mom goes "Oh look, the Mama bee is dead." I was wondering how she had decided it was a "Mama bee" when I noticed it had an egg sack attached to it. The bee was all crumpled up in the middle of our garage, far from the growing hive.
I got in the car and to my surprise I started to cry. I don't know what bothered me about it so much but I was devastated at the loss of this bee! Now don't get me wrong, I am a big animal lover - we have so many pets at home and I would be a zoologist if I wasn't so bad at science, but I don't usually just break into tears when I see insects dead.
I thought more about it and I realized - what if it had to do with the fact that it was a Mama Bee (a Queen bee)? I certainly have a recognized, extreme fear of my own children dying let alone a fear I will never be able to have children some day.
One thing you should understand is I have this re-occuring dream whenever my life gets a certain way. The dream takes on different settings and supporting characters but it's always basically the same: me having a baby. Eventually, it always ends the same. The baby dies right after it's born. I always wake up crying from these dreams. Whenever I have a dream like this my life is usually out of control. What I'm wondering now is - what's out of control???
R.I.P. Mama Bee
-me
Positive Thought of the Day- I have a DATE tomorrow :D
This morning on my way to the car with my mom, my mom goes "Oh look, the Mama bee is dead." I was wondering how she had decided it was a "Mama bee" when I noticed it had an egg sack attached to it. The bee was all crumpled up in the middle of our garage, far from the growing hive.
I got in the car and to my surprise I started to cry. I don't know what bothered me about it so much but I was devastated at the loss of this bee! Now don't get me wrong, I am a big animal lover - we have so many pets at home and I would be a zoologist if I wasn't so bad at science, but I don't usually just break into tears when I see insects dead.
I thought more about it and I realized - what if it had to do with the fact that it was a Mama Bee (a Queen bee)? I certainly have a recognized, extreme fear of my own children dying let alone a fear I will never be able to have children some day.
One thing you should understand is I have this re-occuring dream whenever my life gets a certain way. The dream takes on different settings and supporting characters but it's always basically the same: me having a baby. Eventually, it always ends the same. The baby dies right after it's born. I always wake up crying from these dreams. Whenever I have a dream like this my life is usually out of control. What I'm wondering now is - what's out of control???
R.I.P. Mama Bee
-me
Positive Thought of the Day- I have a DATE tomorrow :D
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