I had a dream last night. I was being kept prisoner in my home and my street had turned into a concentration camp. I tried to escape to marry K, and as soon as I made it outside the gate, I was shot and killed.
I woke up to find yes on 8 back home in CA had a considerable margin; I still had hope because only 6% had reported. Right now we're at 91% and it doesn't look good. It looks like No on 8 is no more and it will pass.
I will never be able to understand the pain and suffering that took place in concentration camps - I will always be ignorant in that light. But as for the discrimination practiced in that time, just as it was practiced ages before with slavery and women's voting, and ages after with the civil rights movement, I'm beginning to think I know what it feels like.
Maybe I'm naive and I have no idea what those who were suppressed underwent. All I know is I'm living in an age now where I thought we were taking a step forward and now this probable yes on 8 is like taking 2 steps back.
Speaking with my Mom the other night, she told me she didn't care about the "choices" I've made. I asked her, in tears, if she really thought her only daughter had "chosen" to live like this? She responded that she had exposed me to a lot in life and because of what I'd seen and experienced, this is what I'd chosen; she didn't have a problem with it but she still felt the life I am living is a choice.
I just don't get it. We are in the 21st century. An African American was just elected president. Women are leading countries around the world. Interracial marriage barely gets a second look anymore. Why is it then in an time when so many things that were once backwards are now facing forwards, something so important is still so twisted?
Hope prevails though. Obama is in office; after 8 years of misery we are finally seeing the dawn of a new era. I think if we all believe that 'yes we can', then maybe, hopefully, in my lifetime, I'll be able to marry the one I love without having to give up something else (my home, my citizenship). Hopefully, our country will stop being so afraid.
me
Positive thought of the day:
Yes...we did
Showing posts with label GLBT issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GLBT issues. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
You KNOW...
...I do NOT go around questioning your heterosexuality. So I'd really freakin appreciate it if you stopped questioning my homosexuality. Even if it is a phase, that's none of your damn business. I'm am going to LOVE and have SEX and KISS and HOLD HANDS and CHECK OUT whoever I frickin want. I REPEAT...I do NOT question you...so would EVERYONE just STOP questioning me?! I have enough going on...
URGH I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
URGH I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Never Have I Ever...
...walked out of a movie. Tonight I did.
One of my Best Friends came home on Saturday and we finally got to hang out tonight. We decided to go and see "The Happening" at the mall near my house. We did some catch up as we ate snacks and ignored lame previews. Then, the movie started. From the first second I knew it was bad. And I don't mean bad like "Meet the Spartans" bad...I mean that movie was just dumb but I even sat through that. But "The Happening" was downright awful - we walked out and I was trembling and in tears. WARNING: the following contains spoilers for the movie.
In the first two minutes of the movie it shows a woman stabbing herself. A minute later you watch a few dozen men jumping off buildings and falling to there death as they break their necks. The story line unfolds and you find out there is an airborne toxin that is inhibiting our "self preservation" neurotoxins - in other words, it's causing people to kill themselves. Next you see a woman gouge out her jugular with her car keys. Then you see a cop shoot his brains out; a man watches then gets out of his car, grabs the same gun and shoots HIS brains out. A woman is looking on, walks over and grabs the SAME gun and shoots her brains out. Next the main characters get seperated and one is driving through this small town. Two of the characters see a video sent via blackberry of a man feeding himself to the lions at a local zoo and they show the man being eaten alive. Then they come upon a tree trimming truck but it's abandoned. Further up the road, the half dozen tree trimmers have hung themselves in the trees they were trimming. The toxin is obviously in the air now and so the one main character is in a car full of people who are talking and suddenly get a glazed look over their face and stop the car. Suddenly they rev the cars engine and crash it full speed into a tree - all the bodies tumble out in unnatural positions. The main character is the only one to survive, gets out, grabs a piece of the broken windshield and stabs himself in the neck. The rest of the main characters are in another part of town and drive upon something in the road. They use binoculars to see that it is a massive pile of bodies.
I had been contemplating leaving ever since I saw the hangings, but the pile of bodies pushed me over the edge and I told my friend I was leaving with or without her. We ended up walking out with some people actually following us.
All of this happened within the first half hour of the movie. I couldn't bare to see what would happen if I stayed. I didn't want to see children killing themselves and I felt it may be coming. I don't know - I didn't stay. I have honestly NEVER ever walked out on a movie in my life. I give everything a fair chance no matter how crappy it may be. But this was downright wrong. How could you make a movie about something so inappropriate? I cried for an hour after I left. Some might say that makes me weak or weird but this movie literally shook me to the core.
I think I was so bothered by this film for two reasons. One - the movie SHOWED the people dying. I understand death is a natural process and I understand that it was JUST a movie but to show something so...not sacred, but what's the word....taboo? No...so, ineffable...I guess. To show it in such a disrespectful and careless way is just wrong. This leads to the second reasons why I was disturbed by this movie. I am someone who does not take things lightly and I especially value my life as I was once someone who took it for granted. I tried to take my own life twice in my existence and both times came very close to succeeding. To so casually portray death by those means just brought back the hell on earth I had experienced so long ago. I know it is the past but still it just really shook my core.
I honestly don't think I hope to achieve anything by writing this blog. I think I just needed it for cleansing sake. "The Happening," in my opinion is a terrible and awful movie and I will never see it again. It offended and terrified me.
In happier news, I'm home for the summer. I'm taking one sociology class at the main university in the morning and working at Gymbo in the afternoon (the clothing, not the play one). Im glad to be home with my family however I'm sad to be away from K and I feel really isolated here. Good practice for Russia I suppose.
On the news tonight I saw a gay couple from my state is getting married and having a baby. It just made me so happy to know that it was possible where I LIVED.
Oh, now I remember what I was going to write. I need money. No I'm not asking for handouts. But I was looking on craigslist for a second job and I read that they give 5k for egg donors. I first wanted to do it just because of the money but now I'm thinking more deeply about it - some day me and K or me and someone are going to depend on sperm donors to bring a child into this world. There are people out there doing there part to help make mine and K's dreams come true - should I do the same to help someone else's dreams come true? Here's what I've come up with:
Pros:
Helping a couple in need (esp. gay couples)
money (getting out of debt, spending money abroad, going to sorority sisters wedding this summer)
Cons:
I take medication
There could be a child of mine out there that I don't know
I'm not in the BEST of shape
any suggestions?
me
Positive Thought of the Day: I've started blogging again!
One of my Best Friends came home on Saturday and we finally got to hang out tonight. We decided to go and see "The Happening" at the mall near my house. We did some catch up as we ate snacks and ignored lame previews. Then, the movie started. From the first second I knew it was bad. And I don't mean bad like "Meet the Spartans" bad...I mean that movie was just dumb but I even sat through that. But "The Happening" was downright awful - we walked out and I was trembling and in tears. WARNING: the following contains spoilers for the movie.
In the first two minutes of the movie it shows a woman stabbing herself. A minute later you watch a few dozen men jumping off buildings and falling to there death as they break their necks. The story line unfolds and you find out there is an airborne toxin that is inhibiting our "self preservation" neurotoxins - in other words, it's causing people to kill themselves. Next you see a woman gouge out her jugular with her car keys. Then you see a cop shoot his brains out; a man watches then gets out of his car, grabs the same gun and shoots HIS brains out. A woman is looking on, walks over and grabs the SAME gun and shoots her brains out. Next the main characters get seperated and one is driving through this small town. Two of the characters see a video sent via blackberry of a man feeding himself to the lions at a local zoo and they show the man being eaten alive. Then they come upon a tree trimming truck but it's abandoned. Further up the road, the half dozen tree trimmers have hung themselves in the trees they were trimming. The toxin is obviously in the air now and so the one main character is in a car full of people who are talking and suddenly get a glazed look over their face and stop the car. Suddenly they rev the cars engine and crash it full speed into a tree - all the bodies tumble out in unnatural positions. The main character is the only one to survive, gets out, grabs a piece of the broken windshield and stabs himself in the neck. The rest of the main characters are in another part of town and drive upon something in the road. They use binoculars to see that it is a massive pile of bodies.
I had been contemplating leaving ever since I saw the hangings, but the pile of bodies pushed me over the edge and I told my friend I was leaving with or without her. We ended up walking out with some people actually following us.
All of this happened within the first half hour of the movie. I couldn't bare to see what would happen if I stayed. I didn't want to see children killing themselves and I felt it may be coming. I don't know - I didn't stay. I have honestly NEVER ever walked out on a movie in my life. I give everything a fair chance no matter how crappy it may be. But this was downright wrong. How could you make a movie about something so inappropriate? I cried for an hour after I left. Some might say that makes me weak or weird but this movie literally shook me to the core.
I think I was so bothered by this film for two reasons. One - the movie SHOWED the people dying. I understand death is a natural process and I understand that it was JUST a movie but to show something so...not sacred, but what's the word....taboo? No...so, ineffable...I guess. To show it in such a disrespectful and careless way is just wrong. This leads to the second reasons why I was disturbed by this movie. I am someone who does not take things lightly and I especially value my life as I was once someone who took it for granted. I tried to take my own life twice in my existence and both times came very close to succeeding. To so casually portray death by those means just brought back the hell on earth I had experienced so long ago. I know it is the past but still it just really shook my core.
I honestly don't think I hope to achieve anything by writing this blog. I think I just needed it for cleansing sake. "The Happening," in my opinion is a terrible and awful movie and I will never see it again. It offended and terrified me.
In happier news, I'm home for the summer. I'm taking one sociology class at the main university in the morning and working at Gymbo in the afternoon (the clothing, not the play one). Im glad to be home with my family however I'm sad to be away from K and I feel really isolated here. Good practice for Russia I suppose.
On the news tonight I saw a gay couple from my state is getting married and having a baby. It just made me so happy to know that it was possible where I LIVED.
Oh, now I remember what I was going to write. I need money. No I'm not asking for handouts. But I was looking on craigslist for a second job and I read that they give 5k for egg donors. I first wanted to do it just because of the money but now I'm thinking more deeply about it - some day me and K or me and someone are going to depend on sperm donors to bring a child into this world. There are people out there doing there part to help make mine and K's dreams come true - should I do the same to help someone else's dreams come true? Here's what I've come up with:
Pros:
Helping a couple in need (esp. gay couples)
money (getting out of debt, spending money abroad, going to sorority sisters wedding this summer)
Cons:
I take medication
There could be a child of mine out there that I don't know
I'm not in the BEST of shape
any suggestions?
me
Positive Thought of the Day: I've started blogging again!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Cats Don't Eat Cheeze Nips
So my title this evening is a little more than random. But I'm currently eating cheeze nips and a memory has all of a sudden come back to me so sit tight and it will be explained.
I've always had cats around me as pets growing up. One day at my old, old house (two olds because it wasnt the one before the one I call home now, but the one before that one), my mom was doing laundry outside and one of the cats was sitting on the dryer. I was eating cheeze nips and I decided to feed my cat some. She apparently did not like them very much. I thought to myself "cat's don't eat cheeze nips.....that sounds an awful lot like a book title...I will someday write a book with that title."
Well, seeing that I will most likely never get to that book let alone fathom wtf it would be about, I'm going to title SOMETHING in my life "cat's don't eat cheeze nips" and call it a day.
I know you wanted to know all that.
Speaking of cheeze nips...do you like them better or less than cheese-its??? I think cheese-its taste like cat treats and cheeze nips are much better.
So now to the real news. I met K's parents. Very...very...very interesting. At first there was this big confusion and we thought they didn't want to meet me and on top of that I gave K her birthday present (the gps) and she didn't like it and said to return it and on top of THAT she had spent the evening in the ER with me at home worrying my brains out. So all together I just freeeaked out and K and I had a big cry fest friday night. Everything turned out ok though. I ended up meeting the parents (see below), I'm still a tad miffed about the whole gps thing but it's my fault for not paying attention and hey..i'll get some 250 plus dollars back, and K went to the doctor today and things are alright for now.
Sadly I ended up skipping my sorority retreat this weekend but I wasn't feeling that hot and I got a chance to meet K's parents. Overall I'm satisfied with the decision I made. We went to D-land and everyone was all excited and I was the last one in the gate and the lady wouldn't let me in - it was a blockout day for my pass! I was so embarrassed. And to make things even worse, K's parents paid for my blockout ticket. That was so kind of them...especially since they don't even know me and I'm perpetuating their daughters lifestyle choice that they don't reall agree with. After D-land we went to dinner and I ended up talking to K's mom for quite a bit (she was the one I was a little more leary of). In the end it was a great night and I'm really glad I got to meet them.
I'm inserting the positive thought of the day right here for today's post - I'm not pregnant! To make a long story short...I came out of the closet and went back in for a while and while in there I did some crazy stuff that could've potentially landed me in a lot of trouble. I went to the health center yesterday because I'm feeling nauseous and having trouble breathing; I realized (only then...don't ask why I was so unobservant) I had missed my period too. They gave me a test and thankfully I'm not with child from the last inconsiderate jerk who took advantage of me. As for the whole health center thing I have the beginning of the flu and I got a new inhaler.
Last night K and I watched the L word and prayed together. It was a really nice evening. I love praying with her. She knows so much about her faith and it's brining me back to mine - I just love it. So things were good... until right before she left. We started talking about my shady past and we got into a little tiff and it really upset me. I realized I was more upset than usual because I haven't taken my medicine (the cocktail of anti-depressants I've been on for 7 years) for almost a week. We resolved things though. I'm still left feeling really bad about my past though. Sometimes I wish I could just make it disappear even though I know it has made me who I am today. K wrote me a really nice letter apologizing (in a sense) and that helped ease the pain a bit.
Anyhow, I have a ton of work to do. A research paper that I already got an extension on, a group project, and a spanish composition. I feel really overwhelmed at the moment. In the coming weeks I will be needing some help from some of you out there for the latter part of the research project. Keep in mind you must be 26 years old or older. More to come later though.
me
I've always had cats around me as pets growing up. One day at my old, old house (two olds because it wasnt the one before the one I call home now, but the one before that one), my mom was doing laundry outside and one of the cats was sitting on the dryer. I was eating cheeze nips and I decided to feed my cat some. She apparently did not like them very much. I thought to myself "cat's don't eat cheeze nips.....that sounds an awful lot like a book title...I will someday write a book with that title."
Well, seeing that I will most likely never get to that book let alone fathom wtf it would be about, I'm going to title SOMETHING in my life "cat's don't eat cheeze nips" and call it a day.
I know you wanted to know all that.
Speaking of cheeze nips...do you like them better or less than cheese-its??? I think cheese-its taste like cat treats and cheeze nips are much better.
So now to the real news. I met K's parents. Very...very...very interesting. At first there was this big confusion and we thought they didn't want to meet me and on top of that I gave K her birthday present (the gps) and she didn't like it and said to return it and on top of THAT she had spent the evening in the ER with me at home worrying my brains out. So all together I just freeeaked out and K and I had a big cry fest friday night. Everything turned out ok though. I ended up meeting the parents (see below), I'm still a tad miffed about the whole gps thing but it's my fault for not paying attention and hey..i'll get some 250 plus dollars back, and K went to the doctor today and things are alright for now.
Sadly I ended up skipping my sorority retreat this weekend but I wasn't feeling that hot and I got a chance to meet K's parents. Overall I'm satisfied with the decision I made. We went to D-land and everyone was all excited and I was the last one in the gate and the lady wouldn't let me in - it was a blockout day for my pass! I was so embarrassed. And to make things even worse, K's parents paid for my blockout ticket. That was so kind of them...especially since they don't even know me and I'm perpetuating their daughters lifestyle choice that they don't reall agree with. After D-land we went to dinner and I ended up talking to K's mom for quite a bit (she was the one I was a little more leary of). In the end it was a great night and I'm really glad I got to meet them.
I'm inserting the positive thought of the day right here for today's post - I'm not pregnant! To make a long story short...I came out of the closet and went back in for a while and while in there I did some crazy stuff that could've potentially landed me in a lot of trouble. I went to the health center yesterday because I'm feeling nauseous and having trouble breathing; I realized (only then...don't ask why I was so unobservant) I had missed my period too. They gave me a test and thankfully I'm not with child from the last inconsiderate jerk who took advantage of me. As for the whole health center thing I have the beginning of the flu and I got a new inhaler.
Last night K and I watched the L word and prayed together. It was a really nice evening. I love praying with her. She knows so much about her faith and it's brining me back to mine - I just love it. So things were good... until right before she left. We started talking about my shady past and we got into a little tiff and it really upset me. I realized I was more upset than usual because I haven't taken my medicine (the cocktail of anti-depressants I've been on for 7 years) for almost a week. We resolved things though. I'm still left feeling really bad about my past though. Sometimes I wish I could just make it disappear even though I know it has made me who I am today. K wrote me a really nice letter apologizing (in a sense) and that helped ease the pain a bit.
Anyhow, I have a ton of work to do. A research paper that I already got an extension on, a group project, and a spanish composition. I feel really overwhelmed at the moment. In the coming weeks I will be needing some help from some of you out there for the latter part of the research project. Keep in mind you must be 26 years old or older. More to come later though.
me
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