So K had her endoscopy today. No...she didn't die. Thankful doesn't even do justice to describe how I feel, but I guess that'll have to do. I'm so incredibly thankful that the woman I'm in love with is safe. Now, once she's finally in my arms (hopefully by tomorrow night-probably thursday morning) I'll feel better.
I do feel bad though for being such a big baby and being so selfish. I've been constantly crying and telling K how much this bothers me when in reality I should have just sucked it up and been tough. This must be so difficult for her and I need to be there for her as someone to lean on. I keep saying sorry (a bad habit of mine), but I still feel guilty. Why???
Research
So I'm trying to keep my mind off of K not doing so well by keeping my mind on school. If only i could actually grasp what the hell is going on in any of my classes. I have a project due in social research design. It's a design of a research project, researching anything I want. Any ideas? My current topic on file with the professor is whether or not there's a difference between heterosexual women and homosexual women and their views on whether or not lesbians should be mothers. My next project is for persuasion. It's a group project so I'm not alone on this one, but we still haven't gotten the ball rolling. We have to analyze an artifact and how it is persuasive. We can use any media artifact....any commercial, tv show, or movie. Any suggestions there? My last project is for Forensics. I have to do a research paper on any forensics related subject I want. What is with this "anything we want"? How about some specifics people? I need SOME guidelines. Any ideas for forensics???
I need one last suggestion. K's birthday is upon us...I'm going to get her a GPS. Right now I'm going with the Garmin nuvi 350. Does anybody have/use/suggest anything different?
Vent
So I guess I'm not done. I have so much on my mind. I feel like I'm such a bad girlfriend. K is so good to me and I've made such a big deal out of this sickness thing lately when I feel I should have just been calm and strong for her. I say sorry too much. I'm just overall guilty too much! Plus I'm worried I'm putting too much focus on K. Don't get me wrong. I am madly in love with this woman but I have this bad habit of putting all my eggs in one basket. And see-look at me, she's all I can talk about. I thought this time would be different and I'd keep all my...'eggs?' evenly distributed, but I don't know. I feel like my mind is running a million miles a minute. Something else bothering me is I don't feel close to God. I haven't felt close to Him in a long time but lately it's been bothering me a lot. Why am I so emotional? No-it's not 'that time' of the month. And I've been on 4 different anti-depressants/mood stabilizers for the past 7 years to avoid these feelings. Maybe I've just finally developed a tolerance and I'm beginning to feel life. I seriously feel like zach braff in 'garden state' when he talks about not being able to feel feelings. Sometimes I seriously just feel dead to the world. None of this makes sense. That's another thing. I used to be such a great writer and it didn't take any effort. Now it takes blood sweat and tears for me to get out something the least bit comprehensible. Oh bother. I guess nothing is ever perfect
me
Positive Thought of the Day: K is feeling better.
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