Cats Don't Eat Cheeze Nips

So my title this evening is a little more than random. But I'm currently eating cheeze nips and a memory has all of a sudden come back to me so sit tight and it will be explained.

I've always had cats around me as pets growing up. One day at my old, old house (two olds because it wasnt the one before the one I call home now, but the one before that one), my mom was doing laundry outside and one of the cats was sitting on the dryer. I was eating cheeze nips and I decided to feed my cat some. She apparently did not like them very much. I thought to myself "cat's don't eat cheeze nips.....that sounds an awful lot like a book title...I will someday write a book with that title."

Well, seeing that I will most likely never get to that book let alone fathom wtf it would be about, I'm going to title SOMETHING in my life "cat's don't eat cheeze nips" and call it a day.

I know you wanted to know all that.

Speaking of cheeze nips...do you like them better or less than cheese-its??? I think cheese-its taste like cat treats and cheeze nips are much better.

So now to the real news. I met K's parents. Very...very...very interesting. At first there was this big confusion and we thought they didn't want to meet me and on top of that I gave K her birthday present (the gps) and she didn't like it and said to return it and on top of THAT she had spent the evening in the ER with me at home worrying my brains out. So all together I just freeeaked out and K and I had a big cry fest friday night. Everything turned out ok though. I ended up meeting the parents (see below), I'm still a tad miffed about the whole gps thing but it's my fault for not paying attention and hey..i'll get some 250 plus dollars back, and K went to the doctor today and things are alright for now.

Sadly I ended up skipping my sorority retreat this weekend but I wasn't feeling that hot and I got a chance to meet K's parents. Overall I'm satisfied with the decision I made. We went to D-land and everyone was all excited and I was the last one in the gate and the lady wouldn't let me in - it was a blockout day for my pass! I was so embarrassed. And to make things even worse, K's parents paid for my blockout ticket. That was so kind of them...especially since they don't even know me and I'm perpetuating their daughters lifestyle choice that they don't reall agree with. After D-land we went to dinner and I ended up talking to K's mom for quite a bit (she was the one I was a little more leary of). In the end it was a great night and I'm really glad I got to meet them.

I'm inserting the positive thought of the day right here for today's post - I'm not pregnant! To make a long story short...I came out of the closet and went back in for a while and while in there I did some crazy stuff that could've potentially landed me in a lot of trouble. I went to the health center yesterday because I'm feeling nauseous and having trouble breathing; I realized (only then...don't ask why I was so unobservant) I had missed my period too. They gave me a test and thankfully I'm not with child from the last inconsiderate jerk who took advantage of me. As for the whole health center thing I have the beginning of the flu and I got a new inhaler.

Last night K and I watched the L word and prayed together. It was a really nice evening. I love praying with her. She knows so much about her faith and it's brining me back to mine - I just love it. So things were good... until right before she left. We started talking about my shady past and we got into a little tiff and it really upset me. I realized I was more upset than usual because I haven't taken my medicine (the cocktail of anti-depressants I've been on for 7 years) for almost a week. We resolved things though. I'm still left feeling really bad about my past though. Sometimes I wish I could just make it disappear even though I know it has made me who I am today. K wrote me a really nice letter apologizing (in a sense) and that helped ease the pain a bit.

Anyhow, I have a ton of work to do. A research paper that I already got an extension on, a group project, and a spanish composition. I feel really overwhelmed at the moment. In the coming weeks I will be needing some help from some of you out there for the latter part of the research project. Keep in mind you must be 26 years old or older. More to come later though.

me

feeling life

So K had her endoscopy today. No...she didn't die. Thankful doesn't even do justice to describe how I feel, but I guess that'll have to do. I'm so incredibly thankful that the woman I'm in love with is safe. Now, once she's finally in my arms (hopefully by tomorrow night-probably thursday morning) I'll feel better.

I do feel bad though for being such a big baby and being so selfish. I've been constantly crying and telling K how much this bothers me when in reality I should have just sucked it up and been tough. This must be so difficult for her and I need to be there for her as someone to lean on. I keep saying sorry (a bad habit of mine), but I still feel guilty. Why???

Research
So I'm trying to keep my mind off of K not doing so well by keeping my mind on school. If only i could actually grasp what the hell is going on in any of my classes. I have a project due in social research design. It's a design of a research project, researching anything I want. Any ideas? My current topic on file with the professor is whether or not there's a difference between heterosexual women and homosexual women and their views on whether or not lesbians should be mothers. My next project is for persuasion. It's a group project so I'm not alone on this one, but we still haven't gotten the ball rolling. We have to analyze an artifact and how it is persuasive. We can use any media artifact....any commercial, tv show, or movie. Any suggestions there? My last project is for Forensics. I have to do a research paper on any forensics related subject I want. What is with this "anything we want"? How about some specifics people? I need SOME guidelines. Any ideas for forensics???

I need one last suggestion. K's birthday is upon us...I'm going to get her a GPS. Right now I'm going with the Garmin nuvi 350. Does anybody have/use/suggest anything different?

Vent
So I guess I'm not done. I have so much on my mind. I feel like I'm such a bad girlfriend. K is so good to me and I've made such a big deal out of this sickness thing lately when I feel I should have just been calm and strong for her. I say sorry too much. I'm just overall guilty too much! Plus I'm worried I'm putting too much focus on K. Don't get me wrong. I am madly in love with this woman but I have this bad habit of putting all my eggs in one basket. And see-look at me, she's all I can talk about. I thought this time would be different and I'd keep all my...'eggs?' evenly distributed, but I don't know. I feel like my mind is running a million miles a minute. Something else bothering me is I don't feel close to God. I haven't felt close to Him in a long time but lately it's been bothering me a lot. Why am I so emotional? No-it's not 'that time' of the month. And I've been on 4 different anti-depressants/mood stabilizers for the past 7 years to avoid these feelings. Maybe I've just finally developed a tolerance and I'm beginning to feel life. I seriously feel like zach braff in 'garden state' when he talks about not being able to feel feelings. Sometimes I seriously just feel dead to the world. None of this makes sense. That's another thing. I used to be such a great writer and it didn't take any effort. Now it takes blood sweat and tears for me to get out something the least bit comprehensible. Oh bother. I guess nothing is ever perfect

me

Positive Thought of the Day: K is feeling better.