"To really love a woman let her hold you till you know how she needs to be touched. You've gotta breathe her, really taste her, till you can feel her in your blood. Then, when you can see your unborn children in her eyes, you know you really love a woman." - Unknown (Well maybe it's known but I saw it on some woman's blog and it wasn't quoted)
I really like that quote, but I can't help but feel totally and utterly impatient. I don't even turn 20 for another 5 weeks. I'm still a teenager. But I've wanted children for as far back as I can remember. And I'm with K. And I love her. I'm in love with her. It's not infatuation or obsession or attraction - I've known those feelings before. I'm listening to this song right now by Avalon called "Testify to Love" and while the meaning is sorta different, I can't help but put it into any other words-I can testify to this love I have for K. I want to have her children. But alas the impatience - we've only been together 3 months.
First off though, you know how I know I love her? She doesn't 'make' me happy. Let me explain. I took this interpersonal comm studies class and my professor explained to the class that one of the number one reasons for divorce was that couples cited that their partner didn't 'make' them happy anymore. The thing is, it's not the other person's responsibility to make you happy. If anything, happiness should be a byproduct of the relationship. And that's what it's like for me and K. I'm happy on my own - I'm content with the life I lead and I like the individual I am. Being with K just makes me even happier.
I love her because we share the same dreams. I knew she was special when I was in her room for the very first time. I saw a picture of her brother who's adopted. Then I saw another picture of two other children who looked like her brother. I asked if they were her siblings also. She said no - they were 'her' kids. I was taken aback - she had kids already? Then she explained she sponsored two kids and it was her dream to someday go and live with them across the world. I was blown out of the water. I have dreamed of doing something like that for so long yet I'd never actually acted on it. (btw...if you want to hear something quasi related to this subject that's h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s, download Dane Cook's "15 cents" ...moving on). We talk frequently about the dreams we share and it's almost spooky how similar they are.
I love her because she inspires me to be a better person. I want to get into better shape and eat healthier and pray more and curse less and all kinds of other things. For example, lets first make a ridiculously long and over-personal story short -I used to be an addict to something very dangerous. I haven't given in to my addiction since I've been with K and I don't even think about it...it doesn't even tiptoe across my mind anymore. Part of that I've done on my own; part of that I've done with help from K.
I seriously want to tell everyone I meet that I am in love with this amazing woman. For K, this is her first everything - kiss, relationship, 'time,' etc...because of her faith she doesn't feel we should...well, for lack of a better word - 'do it.' Now, the average American sleeps with 11 people in their lifetime - let's just say I'm above average. On top of that, I've been in a handful of relationships. Either way, I've been with people (both men and women) who felt they weren't ready to take a certain step yet. The old me - the me that didn't have a clue who I was, who was afraid to be alone, who still let her Daddy issues bother her, who slept around, who was a major pessimist - she would've pushed K away. But now? I would wait forever for K. If she told me she'd spend the rest of her life with me but without sex I think I'd say yes (I say 'think' because I'm not actually in that situation and can't speak for myself then). There's still ONE thing I haven't done with a woman and K knows that and she says with that in mind and the fact that I respect her so much - she still considers me a 'gold star' in her eyes.
Soooooooooooooo...what's the problem you ask? Well, how can I feel this way? Is it because at such a young age I've already been around the block a countless amount of times, experiencing shit some 40 year olds are still clueless to? Now don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining; I think everyone bares their own cross and some are harder than others and some are easier than others but whatever the case we're given what we can handle. Basically, don't get in a huff thinking that I'm calling myself some hero for dealing with crap.
I don't seem to be making progress with this blog. Why don't I start just listing questions I have. Maybe something will start to make sense. People have high school sweet hearts - is it possible to have a college sweet heart? Will K and I really last? What if she doesn't even feel the same way - I think she does. :/ See, the thing is I really think things are going to last because, like the quote says, I can see my unborn child in her eyes. This is basically why I'm writing this blog tonight. I've been reading dozens of couples' TTC blogs and I have so much respect and admiration for these women. I realize most all of them have been together for a long time and only recently TTC'd (I don't know if I used that acronym correctly...so shoot me if I didn't). If anything, my biggest question that I have is this -
Why do I already feel so passionately about having children with K?
some sub-questions would be: did any of you couples ever feel like that when you were first starting out? is something wrong...am i doing something wrong? I'm so confused. Someone please help just for a sec.
me
Positive Thought of the Day: I bonded with my cousin and now I get to sleep :)
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Helpless...Again
K is sick again.
She went to the ER today for the fourth time in the past two weeks.
I'm thousands of miles away from her - utterly helpless.
Not that I could do anything if I was with her..but still.
It's so hard to 'let go and let God' as one blogger suggested.
I know for a fact - I am truly and completely in love with K.
She means the world to me.
I just want her to be ok.
Today wasn't much of an adventure - Woke up at 11; took a walk on the shore; drove around town; picked up my cousin from pre-school; showered; shopped; ate and now I'm here. Tomorrow we're touring this big mansion and doing some shopping.
me
She went to the ER today for the fourth time in the past two weeks.
I'm thousands of miles away from her - utterly helpless.
Not that I could do anything if I was with her..but still.
It's so hard to 'let go and let God' as one blogger suggested.
I know for a fact - I am truly and completely in love with K.
She means the world to me.
I just want her to be ok.
Today wasn't much of an adventure - Woke up at 11; took a walk on the shore; drove around town; picked up my cousin from pre-school; showered; shopped; ate and now I'm here. Tomorrow we're touring this big mansion and doing some shopping.
me
Monday, March 17, 2008
My New England Adventure - Part 1
This is going to be super long...feel free to jump around and read words that jump out. Here's a basic outline:
-Leaving California
-Arriving in RI and letting my family know I'm a Lesbian
-Spending the Day in Boston
-Some Random Thoughts
-The Positive Thought of the Day
DEPARTURE
So RIGHT before we left for the airport, K and I got into a nasty little tiff. It was super awkward and I made her feel bad AND cry and that just made ME feel awful. We cleared things up as far as I'm concerned and I left on a good note. It was sad to say goodbye even though it's just for a week. I don't like being away from her; at the same time I'm my own person and can survive. The plane ride was a lot shorter than expected. I got one of those pre-packaged meals and it was gross. What ever happened to the days of free food on planes. Then again that was gross too. Anyhow, I got to D.C. and transfered planes and finally made it to Providence. The whole gang was waiting for me there. Four of my .... (counts) nine cousins I'm visiting jumped up to greet me and help me with my bags. Yes, bagS ...I don't pack lite. We took a quick tour of Providence then got breakfast at some place that's very self serving. I mean like you do everything for yourself practically - at least that was our experience. It was called Au pan Au bon or something???? Any New Englanders reading are probably laughing. Oh well.
AWKWARD...
On the way to Newport we stopped by two of my cousin's school. My older cousin was like "Oh...Gracie plays crew...do you know what crew is?" Well of course I do - K does crew and talks to me about it all the time so without thinking I was like "oh yah my girlfriend does crew" ...oops. First Slip. A little later we were talking about my school:
Cousin Jackie: So why'd you pick your school?
Me: The town reminded me a lot of home, my major is popular, and I asked every school I visited the same question and my school was the only one that gave me the answer I wanted.
CJ: What'd you ask?
Me: What's your tolerance for diversity?
CJ: So why were you looking for diversity?
Me: Uh... (thinks quickly and can't come up with anything except 'I like Mexican people')
Well...let me ask you something first
CJ: sure
Me: Are you really religious?
CJ: I think so?
Me: Would you consider yourself a conservative?
CJ: I'd like to think so
Me: Boy this is awkward...
CJ: Just say it
Me: Well like I said..I have a girlfriend AndIfThatBothersYouICanTotallyGoHomeAndImSoSorry ...
CJ: NO!!!!!! No! Noooo ...no...no
Me: Well yah, that's why I asked about diversity
CJ: oh...
Rest of Cousins in back seat: OH COOL ::fake smiles::
-awkward silence for remainder of car ride-
Don't ask me why I gauge how people are going to recieve my being gay by asking them if they're religious and/or conservative. I either ask them that or if they've seen Rent and Angels in America but when I ask the latter question they usually end up thinking I'm trying to tell them I have AIDS. And also...I don't know why I offered to go home; if my family wasn't going to accept me then that would've been there problem, but yah...more on that later. We finally got to Newport and to my cousin Kevin's house. I was greeted by lots of food and smiles. I dropped another bomb by accidentally mentioning K once again and inducing more silence. My cousin michael who is 5 taught me how to play Wii (I've never played before...needless to say it was awesome), then we had dinner which was equally awesome. Then came time for bed. It was Sunday night and I hadn't slept since Friday.
THE CLIMAX
So I'm up in the room I've been allotted talking to K on the phone and start crying about the awful sudden awkwardness with this new branch of family I've just met for the first time. I call my Mom who gets upset that I'M crying and calls my cousin Kevin's wife and makes MARY CRY because she feels bad that I'm her guest and I'm upset and comes upstairs and hugs me and basically tells me she's glad I'm a lesbian and no one gives a shit about the choices I make (she meant it nicely). All in all, I felt better - showered - and slept for 12 hours.
BOSTON
I've already written a lot so I'll sum up my day in the city as quickly as possible. I woke up (forgetting it was St. Patrick's Day) and threw on some green. We drove about an hour and a half to the T station and caught the train into the city where we visited Fenway park only to pay an arm and a leg to see basically nothing - it's off season and the park is being renovated. I got to see the "green monster" though and sit in the oldest seats in baseball though. Next we caught the T to the beginning of the Freedom Trail and walked the-whole-thing. I didn't know it would be that long. Took a lot of pictures...saw a lot of cool things. Understatement of the year. Favorite part would have to be seeing the grave of Mother Goose. Next, caught the ferry back to the main part of town and got some lunch then went to Harvard...we were all pretty tired by then so we just browsed around the bookstore. I saw a textbook written by a professor at my school and told my cousin "hey..this guy teaches at MY school" and what HAD to be a Harvard student just snickered and brushed by me. I bought an old Harvard textbook on gay studies and a book for K's cousin who's staying with her. We then went home and had an awesome dinner and here I am. :)
RANDOM THOUGHTS
-Will I really get married to a woman? Will it be marriage someday or just something like it in a state that allows it? Or will it just be a commitment ceremony? Or will I just be a chronic dater?
-Will I have children? Will they have a father?
-Why do I think about the future so much?
-If you respond to one thing in this post - tell me this: What's your definition of love?
me
p.s. ...it was COLD today! And it's only going to be colder in Russia, which, BY THE WAY, I got accepted to. Fall '08 study abroad here I come.
Positive Thought of the Day: I saw a city I've never seen before...and I fancied up my blog!
-Leaving California
-Arriving in RI and letting my family know I'm a Lesbian
-Spending the Day in Boston
-Some Random Thoughts
-The Positive Thought of the Day
DEPARTURE
So RIGHT before we left for the airport, K and I got into a nasty little tiff. It was super awkward and I made her feel bad AND cry and that just made ME feel awful. We cleared things up as far as I'm concerned and I left on a good note. It was sad to say goodbye even though it's just for a week. I don't like being away from her; at the same time I'm my own person and can survive. The plane ride was a lot shorter than expected. I got one of those pre-packaged meals and it was gross. What ever happened to the days of free food on planes. Then again that was gross too. Anyhow, I got to D.C. and transfered planes and finally made it to Providence. The whole gang was waiting for me there. Four of my .... (counts) nine cousins I'm visiting jumped up to greet me and help me with my bags. Yes, bagS ...I don't pack lite. We took a quick tour of Providence then got breakfast at some place that's very self serving. I mean like you do everything for yourself practically - at least that was our experience. It was called Au pan Au bon or something???? Any New Englanders reading are probably laughing. Oh well.
AWKWARD...
On the way to Newport we stopped by two of my cousin's school. My older cousin was like "Oh...Gracie plays crew...do you know what crew is?" Well of course I do - K does crew and talks to me about it all the time so without thinking I was like "oh yah my girlfriend does crew" ...oops. First Slip. A little later we were talking about my school:
Cousin Jackie: So why'd you pick your school?
Me: The town reminded me a lot of home, my major is popular, and I asked every school I visited the same question and my school was the only one that gave me the answer I wanted.
CJ: What'd you ask?
Me: What's your tolerance for diversity?
CJ: So why were you looking for diversity?
Me: Uh... (thinks quickly and can't come up with anything except 'I like Mexican people')
Well...let me ask you something first
CJ: sure
Me: Are you really religious?
CJ: I think so?
Me: Would you consider yourself a conservative?
CJ: I'd like to think so
Me: Boy this is awkward...
CJ: Just say it
Me: Well like I said..I have a girlfriend AndIfThatBothersYouICanTotallyGoHomeAndImSoSorry ...
CJ: NO!!!!!! No! Noooo ...no...no
Me: Well yah, that's why I asked about diversity
CJ: oh...
Rest of Cousins in back seat: OH COOL ::fake smiles::
-awkward silence for remainder of car ride-
Don't ask me why I gauge how people are going to recieve my being gay by asking them if they're religious and/or conservative. I either ask them that or if they've seen Rent and Angels in America but when I ask the latter question they usually end up thinking I'm trying to tell them I have AIDS. And also...I don't know why I offered to go home; if my family wasn't going to accept me then that would've been there problem, but yah...more on that later. We finally got to Newport and to my cousin Kevin's house. I was greeted by lots of food and smiles. I dropped another bomb by accidentally mentioning K once again and inducing more silence. My cousin michael who is 5 taught me how to play Wii (I've never played before...needless to say it was awesome), then we had dinner which was equally awesome. Then came time for bed. It was Sunday night and I hadn't slept since Friday.
THE CLIMAX
So I'm up in the room I've been allotted talking to K on the phone and start crying about the awful sudden awkwardness with this new branch of family I've just met for the first time. I call my Mom who gets upset that I'M crying and calls my cousin Kevin's wife and makes MARY CRY because she feels bad that I'm her guest and I'm upset and comes upstairs and hugs me and basically tells me she's glad I'm a lesbian and no one gives a shit about the choices I make (she meant it nicely). All in all, I felt better - showered - and slept for 12 hours.
BOSTON
I've already written a lot so I'll sum up my day in the city as quickly as possible. I woke up (forgetting it was St. Patrick's Day) and threw on some green. We drove about an hour and a half to the T station and caught the train into the city where we visited Fenway park only to pay an arm and a leg to see basically nothing - it's off season and the park is being renovated. I got to see the "green monster" though and sit in the oldest seats in baseball though. Next we caught the T to the beginning of the Freedom Trail and walked the-whole-thing. I didn't know it would be that long. Took a lot of pictures...saw a lot of cool things. Understatement of the year. Favorite part would have to be seeing the grave of Mother Goose. Next, caught the ferry back to the main part of town and got some lunch then went to Harvard...we were all pretty tired by then so we just browsed around the bookstore. I saw a textbook written by a professor at my school and told my cousin "hey..this guy teaches at MY school" and what HAD to be a Harvard student just snickered and brushed by me. I bought an old Harvard textbook on gay studies and a book for K's cousin who's staying with her. We then went home and had an awesome dinner and here I am. :)
RANDOM THOUGHTS
-Will I really get married to a woman? Will it be marriage someday or just something like it in a state that allows it? Or will it just be a commitment ceremony? Or will I just be a chronic dater?
-Will I have children? Will they have a father?
-Why do I think about the future so much?
-If you respond to one thing in this post - tell me this: What's your definition of love?
me
p.s. ...it was COLD today! And it's only going to be colder in Russia, which, BY THE WAY, I got accepted to. Fall '08 study abroad here I come.
Positive Thought of the Day: I saw a city I've never seen before...and I fancied up my blog!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Cats Don't Eat Cheeze Nips
So my title this evening is a little more than random. But I'm currently eating cheeze nips and a memory has all of a sudden come back to me so sit tight and it will be explained.
I've always had cats around me as pets growing up. One day at my old, old house (two olds because it wasnt the one before the one I call home now, but the one before that one), my mom was doing laundry outside and one of the cats was sitting on the dryer. I was eating cheeze nips and I decided to feed my cat some. She apparently did not like them very much. I thought to myself "cat's don't eat cheeze nips.....that sounds an awful lot like a book title...I will someday write a book with that title."
Well, seeing that I will most likely never get to that book let alone fathom wtf it would be about, I'm going to title SOMETHING in my life "cat's don't eat cheeze nips" and call it a day.
I know you wanted to know all that.
Speaking of cheeze nips...do you like them better or less than cheese-its??? I think cheese-its taste like cat treats and cheeze nips are much better.
So now to the real news. I met K's parents. Very...very...very interesting. At first there was this big confusion and we thought they didn't want to meet me and on top of that I gave K her birthday present (the gps) and she didn't like it and said to return it and on top of THAT she had spent the evening in the ER with me at home worrying my brains out. So all together I just freeeaked out and K and I had a big cry fest friday night. Everything turned out ok though. I ended up meeting the parents (see below), I'm still a tad miffed about the whole gps thing but it's my fault for not paying attention and hey..i'll get some 250 plus dollars back, and K went to the doctor today and things are alright for now.
Sadly I ended up skipping my sorority retreat this weekend but I wasn't feeling that hot and I got a chance to meet K's parents. Overall I'm satisfied with the decision I made. We went to D-land and everyone was all excited and I was the last one in the gate and the lady wouldn't let me in - it was a blockout day for my pass! I was so embarrassed. And to make things even worse, K's parents paid for my blockout ticket. That was so kind of them...especially since they don't even know me and I'm perpetuating their daughters lifestyle choice that they don't reall agree with. After D-land we went to dinner and I ended up talking to K's mom for quite a bit (she was the one I was a little more leary of). In the end it was a great night and I'm really glad I got to meet them.
I'm inserting the positive thought of the day right here for today's post - I'm not pregnant! To make a long story short...I came out of the closet and went back in for a while and while in there I did some crazy stuff that could've potentially landed me in a lot of trouble. I went to the health center yesterday because I'm feeling nauseous and having trouble breathing; I realized (only then...don't ask why I was so unobservant) I had missed my period too. They gave me a test and thankfully I'm not with child from the last inconsiderate jerk who took advantage of me. As for the whole health center thing I have the beginning of the flu and I got a new inhaler.
Last night K and I watched the L word and prayed together. It was a really nice evening. I love praying with her. She knows so much about her faith and it's brining me back to mine - I just love it. So things were good... until right before she left. We started talking about my shady past and we got into a little tiff and it really upset me. I realized I was more upset than usual because I haven't taken my medicine (the cocktail of anti-depressants I've been on for 7 years) for almost a week. We resolved things though. I'm still left feeling really bad about my past though. Sometimes I wish I could just make it disappear even though I know it has made me who I am today. K wrote me a really nice letter apologizing (in a sense) and that helped ease the pain a bit.
Anyhow, I have a ton of work to do. A research paper that I already got an extension on, a group project, and a spanish composition. I feel really overwhelmed at the moment. In the coming weeks I will be needing some help from some of you out there for the latter part of the research project. Keep in mind you must be 26 years old or older. More to come later though.
me
I've always had cats around me as pets growing up. One day at my old, old house (two olds because it wasnt the one before the one I call home now, but the one before that one), my mom was doing laundry outside and one of the cats was sitting on the dryer. I was eating cheeze nips and I decided to feed my cat some. She apparently did not like them very much. I thought to myself "cat's don't eat cheeze nips.....that sounds an awful lot like a book title...I will someday write a book with that title."
Well, seeing that I will most likely never get to that book let alone fathom wtf it would be about, I'm going to title SOMETHING in my life "cat's don't eat cheeze nips" and call it a day.
I know you wanted to know all that.
Speaking of cheeze nips...do you like them better or less than cheese-its??? I think cheese-its taste like cat treats and cheeze nips are much better.
So now to the real news. I met K's parents. Very...very...very interesting. At first there was this big confusion and we thought they didn't want to meet me and on top of that I gave K her birthday present (the gps) and she didn't like it and said to return it and on top of THAT she had spent the evening in the ER with me at home worrying my brains out. So all together I just freeeaked out and K and I had a big cry fest friday night. Everything turned out ok though. I ended up meeting the parents (see below), I'm still a tad miffed about the whole gps thing but it's my fault for not paying attention and hey..i'll get some 250 plus dollars back, and K went to the doctor today and things are alright for now.
Sadly I ended up skipping my sorority retreat this weekend but I wasn't feeling that hot and I got a chance to meet K's parents. Overall I'm satisfied with the decision I made. We went to D-land and everyone was all excited and I was the last one in the gate and the lady wouldn't let me in - it was a blockout day for my pass! I was so embarrassed. And to make things even worse, K's parents paid for my blockout ticket. That was so kind of them...especially since they don't even know me and I'm perpetuating their daughters lifestyle choice that they don't reall agree with. After D-land we went to dinner and I ended up talking to K's mom for quite a bit (she was the one I was a little more leary of). In the end it was a great night and I'm really glad I got to meet them.
I'm inserting the positive thought of the day right here for today's post - I'm not pregnant! To make a long story short...I came out of the closet and went back in for a while and while in there I did some crazy stuff that could've potentially landed me in a lot of trouble. I went to the health center yesterday because I'm feeling nauseous and having trouble breathing; I realized (only then...don't ask why I was so unobservant) I had missed my period too. They gave me a test and thankfully I'm not with child from the last inconsiderate jerk who took advantage of me. As for the whole health center thing I have the beginning of the flu and I got a new inhaler.
Last night K and I watched the L word and prayed together. It was a really nice evening. I love praying with her. She knows so much about her faith and it's brining me back to mine - I just love it. So things were good... until right before she left. We started talking about my shady past and we got into a little tiff and it really upset me. I realized I was more upset than usual because I haven't taken my medicine (the cocktail of anti-depressants I've been on for 7 years) for almost a week. We resolved things though. I'm still left feeling really bad about my past though. Sometimes I wish I could just make it disappear even though I know it has made me who I am today. K wrote me a really nice letter apologizing (in a sense) and that helped ease the pain a bit.
Anyhow, I have a ton of work to do. A research paper that I already got an extension on, a group project, and a spanish composition. I feel really overwhelmed at the moment. In the coming weeks I will be needing some help from some of you out there for the latter part of the research project. Keep in mind you must be 26 years old or older. More to come later though.
me
Friday, March 7, 2008
patience
K is sick again
I just read this book about meditation so I could get my mind of things and I stumbled upon a verse that said "infinite patience yields instant results"...if only I could have infinite patience
I just read this book about meditation so I could get my mind of things and I stumbled upon a verse that said "infinite patience yields instant results"...if only I could have infinite patience
Monday, March 3, 2008
Meet the Parents
...I do so in 4 days. ::gulp::
What will they think of me?
Well, any how...I'm starting to feel that I am not very good at this whole blogging thing. It seems that whenever I'm down and out the ideal thing would be to flush out all my feelings into this here blog. But my problem is that whenever I'm down and out I feel totally void of all capacity to write coherent thoughts.
I had ubuntu tonight. For those of you who don't know what ubuntu is...well, it's sorta hard to explain but basically it's a feeling that can best be described as feeling for humanity. I didn't do very well in explaining it but here at school we have a dialog circle that meets every Monday and talks about diversity issues...and stuff. I'm so eloquent.
What we talked about tonight was cultural stereotypes. We spoke not of the intention of stereotypes (to categorize something unfamiliar) but their impact on individuals. I said I felt that even though certain stereotypes are perpetuated more than others, I think they affect us all equally. Now don't get me wrong (because some people did), I think certain stereotypes are INDEED more powerful than others. My idea is though that just because you are sterotyped as one thing (black, gay man, etc.) doesn't mean that someone else being sterotyped as something seemingly less powerful (white, gay woman, etc.) isn't going to be affected just the same. Any thoughts?
Things are a lot better with sorority life. I had a break down in meeting a few weeks back and just spilled my guts about how I really felt. To make a long story short things are getting better. We have our retreat Saturday.
Speaking of Saturday, it's K's birthday. I sucked it up and made a decision on my own finally to get her the Garmin nuvi 350. At least I think that's what it's called. Now I just have to figure out what to do about a card (I usually make them). Any ideas?
School is ok...falling behind a bit though. All in all I was feeling a bit down today. Didn't even go to work. But in short, me and K went and got donuts and she made me feel much better. That's all for now.
me
Positive Thought of the Day - Today was an amazing food day. I had a krispy kreme for some fundraiser, they had corndogs and pasta salad for lunch, they had captain crunch in the caf, dinner was meatloaf and funfetti cake (seperately), and then I had a donut. Yes-I'm a junk food fiend.
What will they think of me?
Well, any how...I'm starting to feel that I am not very good at this whole blogging thing. It seems that whenever I'm down and out the ideal thing would be to flush out all my feelings into this here blog. But my problem is that whenever I'm down and out I feel totally void of all capacity to write coherent thoughts.
I had ubuntu tonight. For those of you who don't know what ubuntu is...well, it's sorta hard to explain but basically it's a feeling that can best be described as feeling for humanity. I didn't do very well in explaining it but here at school we have a dialog circle that meets every Monday and talks about diversity issues...and stuff. I'm so eloquent.
What we talked about tonight was cultural stereotypes. We spoke not of the intention of stereotypes (to categorize something unfamiliar) but their impact on individuals. I said I felt that even though certain stereotypes are perpetuated more than others, I think they affect us all equally. Now don't get me wrong (because some people did), I think certain stereotypes are INDEED more powerful than others. My idea is though that just because you are sterotyped as one thing (black, gay man, etc.) doesn't mean that someone else being sterotyped as something seemingly less powerful (white, gay woman, etc.) isn't going to be affected just the same. Any thoughts?
Things are a lot better with sorority life. I had a break down in meeting a few weeks back and just spilled my guts about how I really felt. To make a long story short things are getting better. We have our retreat Saturday.
Speaking of Saturday, it's K's birthday. I sucked it up and made a decision on my own finally to get her the Garmin nuvi 350. At least I think that's what it's called. Now I just have to figure out what to do about a card (I usually make them). Any ideas?
School is ok...falling behind a bit though. All in all I was feeling a bit down today. Didn't even go to work. But in short, me and K went and got donuts and she made me feel much better. That's all for now.
me
Positive Thought of the Day - Today was an amazing food day. I had a krispy kreme for some fundraiser, they had corndogs and pasta salad for lunch, they had captain crunch in the caf, dinner was meatloaf and funfetti cake (seperately), and then I had a donut. Yes-I'm a junk food fiend.
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